I am neither here nor there, but am caught in the land of in-between. Groundless, not having a foothold in either world, I dart between the tangible hardness of day to day reality and the hard to find tenderness of the heart.

On this journey, the ticket for entry is looking inwards and facing all aspects of who I am. The anger, the sadness, the love, the caring, the selfishness, the compassion, all of it, good and bad.  One aspect that has been ignored for a long time is my femininity.  I have hidden it and disguised it, tried to avert attention from it by proving that “I’m just one of the boys.” For much of my life, I have been told this aspect of my nature is a vulnerability and a weakness.

But it is time to rescue this part of me from the darkness. It will no longer be relegated to an afterthought.  It can be held up high and embraced and respected.  It is part of me and needs to be celebrated, to be cherished and cultivated. All aspects, all parts of me are beautiful and perfect as they are. Funny how I still feel uncomfortable writing that. But I know, there are no imperfections, no mistakes, no shame. As I see this more clearly, the world also begins to see and respect. I am a unique being out of 6 billion. No one is like me. I truly am one of a kind. I don’t need to be fixed or changed or modified. I just need to be and express precisely who I am. At times, this is easy, and at times, it is extremely difficult. But that’s all there is.

IMG_4465Regardless of what others may want me to be or want from me, I am exactly as I should be at this moment in time, no more and no less. I am. Right here in the present, now. Seeing the unfolding of experience, observing it, then letting it dissolve into the vast field of experiences called the past. Let it come into existence and then let it go as it moves on, such is living in ease.

I sit here at the ocean listening to the waves and the wind. There are no distractions, no worries or fears, just this. This feels grounded, centered, peaceful. I gain a deeper respect and understanding for those words. Just have to remember this place, this moment, this feeling. Nothing but silence in nature and yet so much can be found here. The wind turns cold. Time to get my sweater. Simple. Easy.