Day 4

IMG_4244Had my toasted bagel with peanut butter for breakfast and now am making a big cup of green tea. My friend the dragonfly comes by and keeps me company as I sit on my porch. It reminds me I am not alone. It is my companion and makes me feel loved. The sun has broken past the tops of the oaks to my left (East) and I can begin to feel its warmth on my legs. The fierce wind that blew last night is gone.

So today I tackle a subject that I have been wondering about and not sure about: sex. What is it? A physical attraction, a desire to be near someone, an adrenaline rush, a desire to have the person – to possess. It is a feeling, an instinct and can be triggered by a look. It doesn’t need words to begin. Does not need heartfelt love. Love grows from sensing, learning, getting to know another’s heart, but sex does not require that.

Funny the dragonfly keeps flying across the porch slowly, sometimes stopping & hovering in front of me and then its partner comes and it dashes aways towards it and they fly off together. Life of a dragonfly is not so different! Here he comes again. Do not be frightened I won’t hurt you, you can come near. I send it loving thoughts. It circles in front of me slowly but still keeping its distance.

Love or compassion  happens when two hearts are wide open and they are able to recognize the other – compassion finds compassion – like attracts like.When love happens first, then sex is an extension of the sharing. It is just one way to express and to physically manifest love. The act is a symbol of the love. Kindness, compassion, gentleness, equanimity, can lead to and be realized as sex. It thus becomes a gift to be given, to be shared freely. It is not something that one “takes”. Similar to human touch – a handshake or hug – it can just be a polite gesture, or it can be an extension or demonstration of one’s feelings for another. Similarly, sex without love, is an act, a gesture, an activity, that passes upon completion. While love and compassion last beyond the gestures and the actions, and can bind people together across time and space. Love, compassion and kindness can turn into sex but can sex turn into love and compassion? Not sure. My hunch is that the answer is no. One could begin to love the act and want more but if love was not there initially, it may be more difficult to cultivate later. That’s just my perspective. How I understand things. How I perceive these things.

So what is desire? Desire to be loved, to be held, to be intimate? Desire can cause us to lose focus on all else and be all consumed. Desire begins on the premise that we ‘need’ something, that we cannot survive without it. It senses a ‘lack’ in ourselves, an imperfection, an incompleteness in ourselves. It is ego at its worse, throwing a 4 year old child’s temper tantrum. I ‘must’ have whatever the desire is. But if we are able to escape and move away (walk away) from it, we may create the space to understand we are already complete, loved, desired, respected by the Divine, we do not need to seek it out externally. It is already within us. We possess it. The feeling of lack is an illusion, this is where all suffering originates.

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