Want & Suffering

IMG_4333When want sets in, my mind activity increases to a feverish pitch and emotions become like stormy seas. Why is this not happening right now the way I want it? It’s the 4 year old child having a temper tantrum. I have to remove myself: Walk away. Breathe. Interesting how the mind and ego work. I have to wrestle control back, just when I thought I was at peace.  I have to physically move to clear the pattern – have to reboot. Now that I’m outside I wonder where the frustration of a minute ago came from and went. Fleeting if I choose to walk away. Lifetimes if I choose to engage. I’m learning that disengaging requires a physical trigger, some motion to shake free of mind. Getting up and moving works. For me, mere breathing is not forceful enough to shake free. Breathe now, breathe in clarity and freshness. Breathe the freedom that surrounds me when I choose to allow it in. Why would I not? Why would I choose samsara – eternal suffering.

I am not reliant or dependent on anyone else. I am responsible for my thoughts and feelings, no one else. I choose how I perceive the world, the emotions I experience and the people I interact with. I choose with free will. I am not a victim and nothing can be done to me that I do not allow. Nothing can overwhelm that I do not give permission to. I can choose to engage in suffering or I can dissociate and return to spirit. It is solely my choice. Mine alone. I take responsibility. Always have to remember that. How long I choose to stay in a state of suffering, I alone control. When suffering happens, literally, I can get up and walk away. Say “I choose not to suffer”, “I choose clarity” I choose to disengage. I choose emptiness and being. I choose spaciousness, even though this may feel scary at first.

We are trapped in suffering, because spaciousness and emptiness seems so foreign, so lonely, so devoid of all we know. But that is the only thing  that is real and true. No need to fear it at all. Embrace that which is, where everything originates and ends. The divine waits for you there. Just remember that. I have felt it.

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